These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize