Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize