i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
