theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
