If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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