So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
