miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
