YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize