every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
