It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
