Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
