yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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