i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize