the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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