Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
