Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize