Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
