I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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