I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm just crazy horny about you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
