shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
