Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
