I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
don't judge my taste in strippers
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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