Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
