and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
how can u be prego again
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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