Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
