Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
