i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
