Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Pants 0. Shit 1.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
