We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
