Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
