My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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