when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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