Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
