Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
