why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
