I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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