There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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