i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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