OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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