oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
