Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
