Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
