I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
