Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
