The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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