You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
