one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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