So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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