normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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