chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
