oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Pooping to opera.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
