It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
