I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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