i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
