i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
