I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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