I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
