don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
