oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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