I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
