I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
