Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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