I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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