clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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