I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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