Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
